Please welcome my guest blogger, Mark from SmallSteps2Health! Share your motherhood-and-apple-pie life philosophies, help build the definition of “heart, and be sure to send some rawr-love his way! http://smallsteps2health.wordpress.com/
As a “Jack of all sports and master of none” growing up, I was really never the best at anything I did.
I spent countless hours playing football, baseball, basketball and everything else with a pack of kids who roamed Sausalito like stray dogs (back when this was normal parenting practice of course). I was always short for my age and was never picked first when teams were formed, but I always managed to compete and hold my own. I’ve mentioned before that until I decided to take school seriously I was a below average student, and it took at least 2 years of hard work before I could see tangible academic strides. The pattern has also held up from a career and health & fitness perspective as well. What I’ve found is that you don’t have to be “the best” at anything to be successful.
You just need a commitment to trying, enough confidence (and a solid support network) to weather challenges, and “heart.”
Most athletes know heart when they see it, but may not have ever really thought about what goes into it. The visible outcome of having heart includes passion, tenacity, focus and all-in level effort. “All out effort” may sound better grammatically, but I think heart is more about going “all in”, so I’m sticking with it. I’m not an expert on “heart”, but have always had it. Thus, as an non-scientific sample of 1, I think some of the underpinnings of heart include being hungry/needy (for more in general), some degree of fear that unless you give it your all you may fail miserably, and the belief that if you consistently give your best effort, you’ll improve and accomplish your goals. As a child, we were of limited means, my parents both worked, and nothing came easy to my family. Thus, having “heart” was never an option for me if I wanted anything to be different or better.
Luckily my wife and I have worked hard, have successful careers and have been able to provide a different, more stable life for our children. My kids are well-adjusted, smart and both have more natural athletic ability than I did. I sometimes struggle with the fact that they don’t ‘give it their all’, go all in, work at things the way they could. I’ve seen flashes of “heart” in both of them, so I know it’s in there, but it doesn’t rise to the surface as often as I would like. As a parent, I don’t want my kid’s needs/wants to go unmet, I don’t want them to be scared of anything, and I want them to feel like they can achieve anything they work toward. I don’t force them to watch “Rudy”, although that may work it’s way into my parenting journey. I do work hard to connect (their) effort to results, have repeatedly told them a few of my core “daddy philosophies” since they were newborns including things like “you’re in charge of your body” (so treat it well and don’t let anyone else control it or hurt it), “If you do well in school, you can be whatever you want when you’re older” and “It doesn’t matter if you/your team wins, as long as you give it your all.”
I know these may seem a bit like motherhood and apple pie, but my kids have heard these messages their entire lives, and I love this fact. Lastly, my wife and I work to ensure that our kids don’t have everything handed to them, they have chores and responsibilities, and earn an allowance. Will these practices help them develop heart and a hunger for life? I don’t know, because they’re 10 and 12 and I have a lot of parenting left to do. I am optimistic that it will ensure they grow into well-balanced, productive and happy adults.
While this may not sound like my typical smallsteps2health blog topic, I offer the following as a bridge:
- There is a high correlation between successful parenting and mental health for any parent,
- Acting with “heart” can help you become more fit and healthy, and
- remember “you’re in charge of your body” – so take care of it and protect it.
_____________________________
Now that you love Mark as much as I do, check out his blog for more motivational stories, exercise and health tips, and the regular reassuring message that “small steps add up”. If I were you, I’d start here:
http://smallsteps2health.wordpress.com/2013/01/14/stress-o-holic/
http://smallsteps2health.wordpress.com/2012/11/11/be-open/
http://smallsteps2health.wordpress.com/2012/12/31/middle-age-diary-commercials/
“Will these practices help them develop heart and a hunger for life?” I think you’re on the right track, passing on ideas like these are the best way to teach ideals. Great post!
Thanks! One of the scariest aspects of being a parent is that you don’t always know if what you’re doing is right (or wrong) until much later. Definitely a topic worth some effort!
Yay Mark for the guest post spotlight post!
“I know these may seem a bit like motherhood and apple pie, but my kids have heard these messages their entire lives, and I love this fact. ”
I love this fact too and try to do the same everyday with the kid. And we like “The Rookie” over “Rudy”
Thanks Sortaginger! Yes, I was flattered and scared when Rara invited me to guest post. I love to write and have passion for the topic, but some of these other bloggers have such beautiful, almost poetic writing styles, it was a bit intimidating. Thanks for the support and as a sucker for any inspirational sports story, The Rookie is one of my favorites too! Also love Hoosiers, Soul Surfer, Rocky (original), etc.
I didn’t hear anything all that hokey in what you wrote. Then again, I’m old enough to use the word “hokey”, so you might not want to pay TOO much attention to me – that, and my kids have always had four legs. (I meant I’ve had DOGS and CATS, not that I married my SISTER! Jeez, just ’cause a guy lives in Ohio……
)
Isn’t a Hokey college mascot in Virgina. Oops, I mean Hokie. I know what it means. We’ve had a few cats that definitely had heart. Unfortunately with human kids, you can’t just pile up the food and leave for a 3 day weekend. Cheers!
You CAN’T? Hm. I think I might need to write a blog post about that. Then again, most of the folk that would find that surprising don’t have kids who are paper-trained.
Ha!
Reblogged this on smallsteps2health and commented:
One of my favorite bloggers Rarasaur asked me to write a guest blog-post, along with a few others while she’s on vacation. She and the other guest bloggers are really good, and I am very honored to be invited to the party. Not directly related to health and fitness, but as I state in the post, there are a few connections. Enjoy!
When training people to become business professionals, I struggle with teaching heart and hunger for life. They are tricky concepts very often overlooked and rarely trained. Kudos to you for passing on the word! Great post, Mark!
I definitely think there’s a lot of DNA involved, but so much of my life is based on the premise that people can do amazing things, regardless of DNA, the idea of shaping or making positive progress on these types of intangibles keeps me going. Appreciate the comment!
I agree with Friday. it’s great to encourage those characteristics in kids, including the ability to weather challenges. that’s over looked a lot.
Thanks!
Mark,
Thank you for this very honest and insightful look into parenting. As the father of two boys (5 and 3), I struggle with these same dilemmas. I want my kids to have heart, but I also want their lives to be easier than my childhood.
Part of me wants to put them through the adolescent training in the film 300, while another part of me wants them to live a sheltered life free from pain like a young calf being raised for veal. Well, maybe not that extreme, but you get the idea.
I completely agree that you don’t know if you are doing things right until much later. The good news is that your children are a lot older than mine, so you can just let me know what worked and what didn’t. haha.
Great post and great parenting.
One of the things I love about parenting is the fact that development with kids typically isn’t linear. They sometimes make huge strides and blow your mind. Just entering the hormone-zone with my daughter which is scary, but both she and my son seem pointed in the right direction at the moment. Love the 300 reference by the way!
Great post! I noticed in myself during high school that I never gave anything my all. I wasn’t passionate towards anything. I had friends and liked to laugh but I just wanted to float through school and finish. It wasn’t until college when I put my heart into projects and activities and it totally made a difference. It made everything more fun, more challenging, and worth it in the long run.
You don’t have to on everything, but it’s fun to go “all in” once in a while. Love your blog, so you’re not coasting there!!!
Thanks for the post. If I could tell you that there was one thing to do that would definitely develop heart, I would be selling in an infomercial. One of the admirable things about people is that we are all different yet still the same. So when we witness, or better yet recognize in ourselves the extraordinary display of heart, character or accomplishment, it is astounding. Unfortunately you can’t order it or build it, it will come from within.
Great thought provoking post. I am confident you kids are being mentored and cared for very well.
Agreed, and my goal wouldn’t be to parent my kids into driven cyborgs. I’m just talking about a healthy amount of drive, passion and connection to “effort will equate to progress.” I would love to be one of those actors in your infomercial, who demonstrates the “before” state.
When I am ready for production I will let you know! I think you could do a good job for the after as well. If all parents had the concern that you exhibit the world would be a better place.
This was a really good post. As a parent I often wondered how I would teach my kids about heart. As a kid and athlete I always had heart and it proved to make me better in every sport I played. But I also remembered it being something inside that developed naturally. And the biggest contributing factor to help increase this heart … movies like Rudy, Rocky, Hoosiers, The Natural, Breaking Away, and later on movies like Miracle, Invincible, Seabiscuit, The Rookie and then other regular movies about heart like Pursuit of Happiness. All good movies I hope to share with my kids in the hopes to reinforce “heart”
Thanks, and love your list of Movies. I always forget about The Pursuit of Happiness and what a great story it is. I know it’s not inline with heart or the movie, but this reminds me of one of my favorite quotes. “Now and then it’s good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy.” – Guillaume Apollinaire
Cheers!
Dude. What a good quote.