Please welcome my guest blogger, MissFourEyes! Around these parts, she’s more commonly known as the Naked Blogging Goddess. This post is clothing-optional so long as you stay behind your screen. Send tons of rawr-love her way! http://missfoureyes.wordpress.com/
When I was 4 years old my goal in life was to be a superhero. It didn’t matter what kind of superpowers I had, telekinesis, mind reading, all the things Superman does, anything. I wanted to be a superhero and fight crime *kapow*
I don’t want all those superpowers anymore. I guess I got a little lazy. With great power comes great responsibilities right? Plus, being like Superman wouldn’t work out very well, my granny panties don’t look nearly as amazing as you would think on the outside.
But after reading Rara’s post on her favorite Meta-Metas, I got to thinking how amazing it would be to be a real superhero, one that could actually help real people.
Top 7 superheroes I want to be:
- The Remarkable Rememberer (da da da!)– I would remember exactly where I parked my car, why I walked into that room, and my entire grocery list without even looking at it. I would remember everything. I would also remember the exact date and time that you took my Matrix DVD, even though you say you didn’t. I would like it back.
- OneLiner Woman– After being insulted, I would never have to respond with “mmha whaa…?!”and think of a good comeback in the shower two weeks later. With these powers, I would instantly shoot back clever one-liners and show my evil nemesis what the verbal equivalent of *kapow* is!
- The Terrific TP- I would use my powers to manifest toilet paper anywhere and at any crucial moment. Emergency TP ‘situations’ in the office, including TPing the boss’s cabin, would be taken care of with a snap of my fingers.
Also very useful during flu season. Tissue anyone? - Mistress CSR – The ability to make all customer service reps bump my call to the head of the line. I’d have all my queries and complaints responded to instantly, all appointments booked immediately, and everything I need fixed would really be fixed within 24 hours. The costume would come with a whip, just because.
- The Jurassic Jar Opener- I’d be able to open any tight jar in one shot without having to take it to a dark sketchy street to have it sawed open or ask my arch enemy, The Neighbor.
- Doody Girl – All dog poop would be nicely wrapped up and appropriately discarded of with just a look. If needed, I would be able transport the poop to the bottom of The Neighbor’s gym locker.
- Super Blogger– I’d never run out of ideas for blog posts, bye bye writer’s block! Along with never-ending ideas, I would be able to read and comment on hundreds of other blogs at super human speed.
Lastly I think I would like to have a superpower that allows me to come up with better superhero names.
What about you, what superhero would you like to be?
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Now that you love MissFourEyes as much as I do, visit her blog for more of her particular brand of generous, warm humor and introspection. If I were you, I’d start here:
http://missfoureyes.wordpress.com/2012/10/08/the-inability-to-spit-like-a-man/
http://missfoureyes.wordpress.com/2012/12/03/hello-someone-nice-to-meet-you/
http://missfoureyes.wordpress.com/2012/11/09/this-post-is-entirely-about-cyborgs/
This was brilliant!
Thanks Combat Babe!
I love your name! It sounds like a superhero already
Hah! I never thought of that.
Hey! I already told you I’d get you your Matrix DVD back just as soon as you returned my Day After Tomorrow DVD! Oh, wait.. was that someone else? Maybe I need the super remembering powers too! Though, I think I’d really rather be Superman. I understand the whole responsibility bit and always need to save the world and live selflessly like that – cool, I can handle it because I can shoot lasers out of my eyes (okay, okay, it’s really just heat vision, but we aren’t going to get into semantics right?). Lasers! Out of my Eyes! Case closed.
Bahaha! I don’t know if you’ve seen it, but there are these animated shorts involving a squirrel named Foamy who rants a lot. Well one of the other cartoon squirrels named Pillz-E is always talking about needles in his eyes and your last little bit there totally reminded me of that, “Needles! In my eyes!” you should check it out if you’re not easily offended: http://illwillpress.com
For it is time for you to wake up and take your squirrel to the bagel shop! To get a bagel. With some cream cheese. The cheesey creamy cheese.
Five more minutes!
Hahahaa! I clicked on it, I had to, it was hilarious!
As a kid I was always scared of shooting lasers out of my eyes, what if it hurt? What if I forgot to take my glasses off and it reflected off of them and killed me instead?!
But yeah, Lasers! Out of your eyes! I think you’d make a great Superman
Ahhh, thanks! Hadn’t considered the reflective glasses part – I guess I figured if you could do the whole lasers out of your eyes trick you could probably give yourself the corrective surgery…
Ooooh, now THAT is a superpower!
<3 I think we all want to be. I always wanted to be like Gambit, and then it was Rogue, and then I wanted to be like Invisible Woman. But then the best came…. Jubilee!
Spark, spark, fizzle, fizzle! I would prefer to date Gambit, with that awesome accent, cher. GEEEK.
He just had that way about him! Rawr!
That hypnotic charm….*fans self*
Who didn’t want to be Jubillee with her sparkly explosives?! Rogue was pretty cool too
Sparkly explosives, I can see much promise doing that. Explosive plasma, oh yeah! Besides she was with Wolverine for a bit. Rawr x2
Oh Wolverine…..rawr!
Yeah, I think he spawned my love for outdoors type guys. Going hunting? Can I come. lol.
hehe
Yes please, I’ll take one.
Is “rawr!” really dinosaur for “I love you?”
Of course it is, Soul. Rawr
(awkward attempt at winking here)
(awkward winking right back at you)
“mmha whaa?”
How about the Competent Commenter? Sometimes I want to comment on a post so much, but I can’t think of anything that will compare to the brilliance of the post.
Yep, that is all I got.
I agree with you there and add brilliantly commenting to comments.
I think you’re doing pretty great without the superpowers! I need them though, the Competent Commenter would be perfect
Thanks, Kozo
I would be the Meeting Maurader, and leap over boring pointless meetings with a single bound! And I’d have a cape!
The Meeting Maurader! That’s brilliant! We all need those superpowers. And if the boss asks, the superpowers would compel him to NOT fire us for that ever
The Power Napper? Using the punchcard-timeclock of life to allow everyone at work and at home to take a brief siesta in the middle of the day with no loss of productivity.
I also wouldn’t mind a Super Snoozer, warping the laws of physics and time to allow one to sleep in and still get up on time. That might be more of a magic alarm clock than superhero though.
These powers sound perfect! I would love to be the Super Snoozer, get up whenever you want and never be late
Naked Blog Goddess, you are a super hero to me, but since I’m a guest on someone else’s blog I won’t remind you what your super power does.
Hehe, Sexy Storm Trooper, as always I’m sorry
I’d have a ‘direct line’ superpower so I’m not sitting in queues for hours to the phone company or bank…
Oh yeah! We all need that. No matter who you’re calling you will be answered first. “I’m sorry we can’t…..oh Dianne Gray, let me put you right through to the President.”
Love it!!!
I have a trick so you can be The Jurassic Jar Opener and wow every body at parties with your super strength…there is no jar I cannot open. I swear. It’s true. It works. Every time. At least so far. If it doesn’t work for you, don’t tell me, because then I would feel bad for getting you all excited. So here’s what you do. You take a butter knife and slide the tip of it under the edge of the lid and use it like a crow bar, but gently, and you lift, but just enough, until the vacuum seal pops. Wha-la. Lid opens. Don’t go all He-Man on it or the glass will break, but with just enough pressure you will hear a pop. Once the vacuum seal is broken, the pressure holding the lid to the jar is released. The Pampered Chef makes a fancy gadget that does it, but that costs money, and I’m cheap, and I already own butter knives. I probably didn’t describe it very well; pictures would probably help.
You described it perfectly. Thanks, Melanie! Look out world here comes The Jurassic Jar Opener! (cue superhero music)
I’ve always been partial to superheroes that don’t have any powers beyond being amazingly bad-ass guys, like Batman or The Punisher. Or Rorschach, I could totally get into being Rorschach. No magic powers, no mutant abilities, just tons of attitude and a willingness to thump first and ask questions later. I guess that’s less “being a superhero” and more “being a thug in funny clothes.”
I’m okay with that. Sadism and style should always go hand in hand.
“Sadism and style should always go hand in hand” Yes! Rorschach was one of the best characters
Fabulous – I want all these powers! Plus the ability to teleport my own poop so I never need toilet breaks again!
I like the way you think! The Poop Teleporter, to the rescue! Road trips, going to the movies, marathons would be so much simpler
Do your toilet paper powers extend into amount of ply.
Of course they do. I can make it as thick and as soft as I want. Eco-friendly too since its magical toilet paper.
Magical toilet paper, ha!
I want those powers too! I need those powers. Although I do get exercise wandering around looking for things I lost and then forgetting what I was looking for and having to start over again. So fun! Now I wish I had agreed to guest post for Rara! But glad to see you in action, Naked Blog Goddess! (best superhero name ever)
Superhero names? Spandex girl, Titanium Butt, That Guy – you know that guy, Dung Beetle, Alice, Fairy of Fury, Ikea Man, E.L. James (supervillian), Super Mary Poppins, Flamingo Lass, Blogman and his sidekick, Twitter.
You think of the best superhero names! I bow to you, mighty Alice At Wonderland.
As for all the exercise you get looking for lost things, me too, Alice, me too. It’s like my dog when she tries to chase her tail, except she’s smart and stops after a while. I just keep going around in circles
One Liner Woman – could I be your trusty sidekick?
Of course you can! We could be partners, One Liner Woman and Come Back Gal!
Reblogged this on Miss Four Eyes and commented:
Rarasaur asked me to guest post on her blog! There isn’t a lot of nudity involved, but clothing is optional
Oh I love love love this! Miss Four Eyes is one of the most brilliant writers, ever!
Thank you so much, Amy! You are the sweetest
Oh gosh – Terrific TP had me all aquiver! If I’d been her last year, life would have been so much better! Greek toilets don’t really believe in tp…
No TP. NO TP?!!
Oh Jill. So many naked blog hugs for you.
I’d like to be the Remarkable Rememberer, Oneliner Woman, and Super Blogger. More so the last two. It’s like my brain decides to activate at the most inconvenient times like when I’m trying to sleep.
I know exactly how that feels. The worst is when you wake up, it’s all gone! Argh!
This is hilarious! Clever of course.
I love your issue with one-liners — meeee tooooo… I’d love to have alternate days with you being Oneliner Woman. It could take me years to come back, and boy that’s weird.
Deal! I’d love to alternate days with you being Sandor the Barbarian!
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awesome! I love Doody Girl cause I hate my neighbor’s dog pooping in my yard. Although I would love to One Liner Woman in action
The problem with dog poop on my yard is that I never know who to blame. It must be the neighbor’s dog, surely my dog couldn’t have managed to evacuate her system THAT much. But then she does eat a lot…
Either way Doody Girl to the rescue!
Just great as always, I’m laughing at all the comments. No idea who I would be, I need to think on that one
xx00xx
Mollie and Alfie
The comments are even better than the post!
But, Mollie, you’re a superhero already. The Dynamic Dog Blogger! And her trusty sidekick Alfie the Amazing!
Ha! Being OneLiner Woman is my ultimate dream.
Mine too! So far, I’m not even close
Miss Four Eyes is a true original and utterly unforgettable!
Great post, cutie!
That’s two Cuties from you today! Woo hoo!
Brilliant post as always
I can definitely relate to Doody Girl. The streets around here are a veritable poop minefield. We have one street eloquently dubbed “Shit street”, I once counted 31 dog craps in space of only 70 meters or so. Oh how I’d love to zap them into oblivion with some heat ray vision!
As for me when I was young I wanted to be (damn this is lame) Risk Taker Rohan. I used to be a danger man but now I look about 6 times crossing a road so that didn’t really happen :/
Great post, always makes me smile
Rohan.
Yikes! 31 dog craps in 70 meters?! Whoa. You need Doody Girl more than I do.
Risk Taker Rohan sounds pretty awesome! But hey, regular Rohan and I are the same. Some days looking 6 times before crossing the road isn’t enough.
Thanks for stopping by, Rohan
I actually never liked Superman. Aside from the whole underwear thing, he’s too perfect. He has almost every superpower I ever heard of, he’s flipping bulletproof… And all he has to do to make people not recognize him is wear glasses??? Poo. Give me the X-Men any day. They actually had realistic issues to deal with.
As for me, I would want to be Lucid Dreamer Girl. I mean, I deal with zombie hookers and dinosaur-riding aliens and giant talking purple penguins on a nightly basis. I would love to be able to make a purposeful difference in my dreams AND remember them come morning!
Unless I could be a Jedi. Always be a Jedi. Just… y’know, minus the mass slaughter and likely death part. I’d love to be a Jedi during the height of their society!
Oh man I’d love to be Lucid Dreamer Girl! That is way better than Superman (and yeah, his glasses thing cracked me up every time)
‘Always be a Jedi’ Yes to that! Everyone should want to be a Jedi.
I already have a super hero alter ego, “Oblivio-Lad.” My super power is being really densely oblivious to stuff, especially when someone likes me.
I’m still working out the theme song.
Oh man, I think I kind of have that super power too! Let’s be partners, what do you say?
Sure, that’d be fun! Of course you have to remember that anyone with Lad in their name is either a sidekick or part of an Intergalactic hero team from the future, so dress accordingly.
An Intergalactic hero team from the future?! YES!
I wanted to be Chocolate-Chip-Cookie Eater Lad, but Matter Eater Lad veto’d the name choice.
Aw man, Chocolate-Chip-Cookie Eater Lad sounds awesome!
I’d love to be Plain Old Healthy Person (POHP) never need another doctor’s appointment, be done with medications for the rest of my life, and just be normal — a lot to ask, I know, but you asked me!
That is a great superhero! I can’t think of a single person who wouldn’t want to be POHP! Now we need a theme song…
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