My loves, my students, my teachers, my friends…

Back when I first started blogging, the Daily Post issued a prompt: You have the chance to write one last post on your blog before you stop blogging forever. Write it.

I wrote a reply, then, back in November of 2012, and looking back now– though it was cute and somewhat different than the other replies– it showed a total lack of understanding.  I can’t imagine leaving something so trite for y’all now, not when you’ve done so much for me and added so very much to my life.

Today, I am writing my last post. The tears are slowing me down, and my hands are shaking, but I am borrowing your strength as I try to get to the important parts.

Of course, nothing is certain.

If there’s one thing you learn in the ‘sphere, it’s that.  Ideal couples get divorced, terminally ill people live long fulfilling lives, coma victims wake up, and every story has a twist.

I hesitated before writing anything because of how embarrassing it would be if I was able to pop in again next week.  But then I thought– what if I left without a word and really could never come back?  Would my heart be able to bear that burden?

That’s why Dave will post this for me, when it’s as certain as anything can be– when it’s closer to time.

Some of you are probably very confused right now.  New readers, I suspect, who never read the tales of hardship that brought me to blogging.

Some of you are probably just slightly confused– seasoned readers who thought all that hardship was past.

It’s not. It followed me along, from yesterday to today.

I don’t know what I’ll have to say about it in a year, or 10 years, or whenever– but right now, other than the heart-ache from missing you and my wonderful team at work and my family and my friends– I’m happy that it’s going to be over.  It’ll be awful, and miserable, for a long time, but then it’ll be over.  Little tangles of it will drag through the rest of my life forever, but it will be the end-tangles… not the knot that has kept me from peaceful sleep for years.

I’m tired and stressed, and just so incredibly ready to give up.  Sometimes the benefit of fighting for truth isn’t worth the cost of winning.  Sometimes strength is your greatest resource.

I’m living in that “sometimes” right now, and that’s why I’ll be giving up and going away.

I know some of you very well, and I know you want to help– you want someone to rawr at, something to squish, something to do– and I want you to know there’s really nothing you can do now.  Please know you’ve already done so much just by being here and letting me shed my worries for a few hours each day.

I confess the only real worry I have now is for my family.  Dave and the cats have no real resources to see them along without me in the picture.  If you can check in on them, and send them love, that would be wonderful.  If you can give anything so that they might have a little wiggle room in their lives, knowing that it’ll be a million and a half years before we’re together enough to pay you back– well, you can do that here: http://www.thequeencreative.com/thank-you/.

I can’t stop crying enough to tell you anything interesting, so I’ll have to stick to the most important things since I’m short on time:

  • You are important, and you add so much to the world.
  • You are beautiful, truly.
  • You are talented, and deserve all the recognition the world has to offer.
  • You will live your dreams if you continue to believe in them. I just know it.
  • You have taught me so much.
  • You have healed me so much.
  • I love you.  Really and truly.

Thank you so much for showing me how to keep the light of my heart on even when darkness is determined to seep in.  Thank you for showing me how to find rest, even when my busy mind is trying to solve the strangeness of the world.  Thank you for your faith in me.

Blessings to you, in your life and all your pursuits–
Rara

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115 comments

  1. Oh Rara… I miss you. I love you. I will give what I can to you, Dave, and the cats. Don’t let your light fade. Much RAWRlove to you my dear.

    Liked by 4 people

  2. My dino sister, I will be here when you get back. I want you to know that. I’m not giving up, I will be HERE for you and Dave and the cats. We will do all we can for them and you. I feel like my heart is broken, but I know you don’t want to see that. I will forever send you light and love my little sister, always. I love rara.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. What I know for sure is that all darkness is temporary for those with such light inside. You have that light, that inner rawr that will sustain you no matter what. It might look like an oncoming train at the end of that tunnel you are so bravely entering, but I assure you, it isn’t. Trust that the universe has you, Dave and the cats’s back always. Sending love, hugs and whatever courage, faith and hope I have to spare. This sucks and I am so sorry you are having to go through it.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. I know I haven’t commented that often, but when I do, you are always so lovely. I’m new here, but somehow, feel as if you are a long lost friend, someone who always posts things that speak to me. You speak to everyone here, and there is so much love. I can only give you that love back, and my husband and I will do whatever we can to support you, Dave and your cats in this terrible time. You will make it through. I know you will :) <3 Much #rawrlove to you Rara xxx

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Hi hope you will be back soon and read all your comments – and give us a brand new post full of hope. :) But mostly, I hope you will be back with your hubby and the kitties – right where you belong.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. “Of course, nothing is certain… every story has a twist.”

    Rara, I’m one of those “new people”. You know it. I know it. But I know something you don’t know: your story reads like there’s a twist in store.

    I know. I’m crazy, right? Maybe. Maybe not.

    I’m not saying that at the last moment a justice-loving superhero is going to come in and save the day. Wouldn’t that be lovely? Let’s stop a moment and enjoy the fantasticalness of that dreamy idea. *sigh*

    Now check this out: I’m a superhero who can fling a cliche like a bolt out of the blue, baby. It might not save the day, but maybe it will make you smile, just a little bit. It’s a start. So, let’s do this. Are you ready? Here I go…

    IT AIN’T OVER ‘TIL THE FAT LADY SINGS. And I haven’t made so much as a PEEP.

    So. Take a deep breath: the deepest one you can possibly take. Now, take another.

    See? Anything is possible. Who knows? Maybe a month from now something extraordinary will happen. One thing I’ve learned from walking around this planet for a while is that anything is possible. Flowers turn into fruit all the time. Water can exist as a solid, a liquid, or a gas. The same elements that make up your body were born in the stars.

    This is not the end, dear Rara. Sometimes, justice prevails, even if it does so a little later than we would have liked. People who were wrongfully accused are set free. People who feel like they can’t stop crying and shaking from fear and worry do stop. They look around, and they think, “I can do this. I don’t have to cry. I don’t even have to rawr. All I have to do is remember that things are rarely as bad as we make them out to be before they happen.” Do that and remember how very much you are loved. You get to take that with you, too. Drink it in. Drink it deeply. It’ll give you strength. Either that or it’ll put hair on your chest… I’m pretty sure it’s the strength, though.

    Liked by 7 people

        1. Y.E.S.!!! WHAT A GREAT IDEA! Well done, everyone! – I’ve requested and paid the membership fee – what now? No need to respond, AZ, sent an email direct to the Queen’s Guard, just thanking you for cluing me in! Best ~ Huntie

          Like

  7. Rara, I miss you. I love you. I can’t stop crying. I’m trying to laugh because I know that’s what you would want, but it’s hard to laugh in the face of misery. You’ve taught me and inspired me so much.
    I’ll do what I can to help out your family.
    I know you’ll make it. I know you’ll be okay. But until you can come back, I’ll worry, because you’re worth worrying over.
    I hope you can come back soon.

    Liked by 4 people

  8. Oh, Rara. You will be missed dearly by everyone you’ve brought magic to online, and I’m sure even more so by those offline, but something tells me that part of you will never stop, even if this blog does – you will bring your magic to even the darkest of places, where it is possibly needed most. RAWR!

    Liked by 4 people

  9. I can’t add too much more to the email I sent, but I will say that I do look forward to reading your amazing and meaningful words again. No matter how long it may be, we will be here, knowing that you will be back. Thank you, so much, Rara for your kindnesses and love.
    Robyn

    Liked by 3 people

  10. Heart sick. I haven’t known you that long Rara but in that short time I have been blessed with your sweetness, and the strength it must take to exude such sweetness while in so much turmoil is more than admirable.. it’s inspirational. Our hearts are with you and Dave and the cats. We will help when we can. Hang in there!

    Liked by 3 people

  11. My heart is breaking. I have to admit I have been in denial since you first started preparing us for this post. There is a part of me still hoping that this is not really happening to you.

    You are in my heart and prayers.

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Congratulations, Rara. You have joined the elite club of spiritual saviors who have been falsely imprisoned–Jesus, MLK, Gandhi, Joan of Arc, Peter, Mandela, Aung San Suu Kyi, Andy Dufresne, John Coffey. Part of me is trying to make you smile, but another part of me is serious. I agree with Janelle–you will never stop spreading your magic. I imagine you having a large following wherever you are. I see you giving love to those who might need it more than all your devoted followers at Rarasaur. I see you rising from the ashes, spreading your wings, and taking flight for everyone to see what is possible. {{{Hugs}} Kozo

    Liked by 7 people

  13. I’ve spent the last two days reading over the outpourings of love here and at numerous other blogs we have in common. We’re gonna have a seriously tough time filling in this new, unwelcome, Rarasaur-shaped hole that’s been torn in the heart of the WordPress community.

    You can bet that won’t stop the best-of-the-best from trying.

    Hurry back soon. Definitely in our prayers. And good luck. Remember, we’re all counting on you.

    Liked by 6 people

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