My loves, my students, my teachers, my friends…

Back when I first started blogging, the Daily Post issued a prompt: You have the chance to write one last post on your blog before you stop blogging forever. Write it.

I wrote a reply, then, back in November of 2012, and looking back now– though it was cute and somewhat different than the other replies– it showed a total lack of understanding.  I can’t imagine leaving something so trite for y’all now, not when you’ve done so much for me and added so very much to my life.

Today, I am writing my last post. The tears are slowing me down, and my hands are shaking, but I am borrowing your strength as I try to get to the important parts.

Of course, nothing is certain.

If there’s one thing you learn in the ‘sphere, it’s that.  Ideal couples get divorced, terminally ill people live long fulfilling lives, coma victims wake up, and every story has a twist.

I hesitated before writing anything because of how embarrassing it would be if I was able to pop in again next week.  But then I thought– what if I left without a word and really could never come back?  Would my heart be able to bear that burden?

That’s why Dave will post this for me, when it’s as certain as anything can be– when it’s closer to time.

Some of you are probably very confused right now.  New readers, I suspect, who never read the tales of hardship that brought me to blogging.

Some of you are probably just slightly confused– seasoned readers who thought all that hardship was past.

It’s not. It followed me along, from yesterday to today.

I don’t know what I’ll have to say about it in a year, or 10 years, or whenever– but right now, other than the heart-ache from missing you and my wonderful team at work and my family and my friends– I’m happy that it’s going to be over.  It’ll be awful, and miserable, for a long time, but then it’ll be over.  Little tangles of it will drag through the rest of my life forever, but it will be the end-tangles… not the knot that has kept me from peaceful sleep for years.

I’m tired and stressed, and just so incredibly ready to give up.  Sometimes the benefit of fighting for truth isn’t worth the cost of winning.  Sometimes strength is your greatest resource.

I’m living in that “sometimes” right now, and that’s why I’ll be giving up and going away.

I know some of you very well, and I know you want to help– you want someone to rawr at, something to squish, something to do– and I want you to know there’s really nothing you can do now.  Please know you’ve already done so much just by being here and letting me shed my worries for a few hours each day.

I confess the only real worry I have now is for my family.  Dave and the cats have no real resources to see them along without me in the picture.  If you can check in on them, and send them love, that would be wonderful.  If you can give anything so that they might have a little wiggle room in their lives, knowing that it’ll be a million and a half years before we’re together enough to pay you back– well, you can.

I can’t stop crying enough to tell you anything interesting, so I’ll have to stick to the most important things since I’m short on time:

  • You are important, and you add so much to the world.
  • You are beautiful, truly.
  • You are talented, and deserve all the recognition the world has to offer.
  • You will live your dreams if you continue to believe in them. I just know it.
  • You have taught me so much.
  • You have healed me so much.
  • I love you.  Really and truly.

Thank you so much for showing me how to keep the light of my heart on even when darkness is determined to seep in.  Thank you for showing me how to find rest, even when my busy mind is trying to solve the strangeness of the world.  Thank you for your faith in me.

Blessings to you, in your life and all your pursuits–
Rara

117 thoughts on “My loves, my students, my teachers, my friends…

  1. Oh Rara… I miss you. I love you. I will give what I can to you, Dave, and the cats. Don’t let your light fade. Much RAWRlove to you my dear.

    Liked by 4 people

  2. My dino sister, I will be here when you get back. I want you to know that. I’m not giving up, I will be HERE for you and Dave and the cats. We will do all we can for them and you. I feel like my heart is broken, but I know you don’t want to see that. I will forever send you light and love my little sister, always. I love rara.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. What I know for sure is that all darkness is temporary for those with such light inside. You have that light, that inner rawr that will sustain you no matter what. It might look like an oncoming train at the end of that tunnel you are so bravely entering, but I assure you, it isn’t. Trust that the universe has you, Dave and the cats’s back always. Sending love, hugs and whatever courage, faith and hope I have to spare. This sucks and I am so sorry you are having to go through it.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. I know I haven’t commented that often, but when I do, you are always so lovely. I’m new here, but somehow, feel as if you are a long lost friend, someone who always posts things that speak to me. You speak to everyone here, and there is so much love. I can only give you that love back, and my husband and I will do whatever we can to support you, Dave and your cats in this terrible time. You will make it through. I know you will :) <3 Much #rawrlove to you Rara xxx

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Hi hope you will be back soon and read all your comments – and give us a brand new post full of hope. :) But mostly, I hope you will be back with your hubby and the kitties – right where you belong.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. “Of course, nothing is certain… every story has a twist.”

    Rara, I’m one of those “new people”. You know it. I know it. But I know something you don’t know: your story reads like there’s a twist in store.

    I know. I’m crazy, right? Maybe. Maybe not.

    I’m not saying that at the last moment a justice-loving superhero is going to come in and save the day. Wouldn’t that be lovely? Let’s stop a moment and enjoy the fantasticalness of that dreamy idea. *sigh*

    Now check this out: I’m a superhero who can fling a cliche like a bolt out of the blue, baby. It might not save the day, but maybe it will make you smile, just a little bit. It’s a start. So, let’s do this. Are you ready? Here I go…

    IT AIN’T OVER ‘TIL THE FAT LADY SINGS. And I haven’t made so much as a PEEP.

    So. Take a deep breath: the deepest one you can possibly take. Now, take another.

    See? Anything is possible. Who knows? Maybe a month from now something extraordinary will happen. One thing I’ve learned from walking around this planet for a while is that anything is possible. Flowers turn into fruit all the time. Water can exist as a solid, a liquid, or a gas. The same elements that make up your body were born in the stars.

    This is not the end, dear Rara. Sometimes, justice prevails, even if it does so a little later than we would have liked. People who were wrongfully accused are set free. People who feel like they can’t stop crying and shaking from fear and worry do stop. They look around, and they think, “I can do this. I don’t have to cry. I don’t even have to rawr. All I have to do is remember that things are rarely as bad as we make them out to be before they happen.” Do that and remember how very much you are loved. You get to take that with you, too. Drink it in. Drink it deeply. It’ll give you strength. Either that or it’ll put hair on your chest… I’m pretty sure it’s the strength, though.

    Liked by 7 people

        1. Y.E.S.!!! WHAT A GREAT IDEA! Well done, everyone! – I’ve requested and paid the membership fee – what now? No need to respond, AZ, sent an email direct to the Queen’s Guard, just thanking you for cluing me in! Best ~ Huntie

          Like

  7. Rara, I miss you. I love you. I can’t stop crying. I’m trying to laugh because I know that’s what you would want, but it’s hard to laugh in the face of misery. You’ve taught me and inspired me so much.
    I’ll do what I can to help out your family.
    I know you’ll make it. I know you’ll be okay. But until you can come back, I’ll worry, because you’re worth worrying over.
    I hope you can come back soon.

    Liked by 4 people

  8. Oh, Rara. You will be missed dearly by everyone you’ve brought magic to online, and I’m sure even more so by those offline, but something tells me that part of you will never stop, even if this blog does – you will bring your magic to even the darkest of places, where it is possibly needed most. RAWR!

    Liked by 4 people

  9. I can’t add too much more to the email I sent, but I will say that I do look forward to reading your amazing and meaningful words again. No matter how long it may be, we will be here, knowing that you will be back. Thank you, so much, Rara for your kindnesses and love.
    Robyn

    Liked by 3 people

  10. Heart sick. I haven’t known you that long Rara but in that short time I have been blessed with your sweetness, and the strength it must take to exude such sweetness while in so much turmoil is more than admirable.. it’s inspirational. Our hearts are with you and Dave and the cats. We will help when we can. Hang in there!

    Liked by 3 people

  11. My heart is breaking. I have to admit I have been in denial since you first started preparing us for this post. There is a part of me still hoping that this is not really happening to you.

    You are in my heart and prayers.

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Congratulations, Rara. You have joined the elite club of spiritual saviors who have been falsely imprisoned–Jesus, MLK, Gandhi, Joan of Arc, Peter, Mandela, Aung San Suu Kyi, Andy Dufresne, John Coffey. Part of me is trying to make you smile, but another part of me is serious. I agree with Janelle–you will never stop spreading your magic. I imagine you having a large following wherever you are. I see you giving love to those who might need it more than all your devoted followers at Rarasaur. I see you rising from the ashes, spreading your wings, and taking flight for everyone to see what is possible. {{{Hugs}} Kozo

    Liked by 7 people

  13. I’ve spent the last two days reading over the outpourings of love here and at numerous other blogs we have in common. We’re gonna have a seriously tough time filling in this new, unwelcome, Rarasaur-shaped hole that’s been torn in the heart of the WordPress community.

    You can bet that won’t stop the best-of-the-best from trying.

    Hurry back soon. Definitely in our prayers. And good luck. Remember, we’re all counting on you.

    Liked by 6 people

  14. My husband calls you my imaginary friend, but he does so with real concern and real ideas/hopes of ways to help. And I answer his questions about you, my imaginary friend, with real tears and feelings. Stay strong, even your imaginary friends are pulling for you!

    Liked by 4 people

  15. I was up really late and then one of the bloggers I follow posted about you. It made me so sad that I couldn’t continue reading other posts after.

    I haven’t finished my A-to-Z and was about to create my “S” post. Suddenly, my theme changed as I thought about you. I have created the draft last night, but it’s missing one last touch that I will incorporate later. We haven’t been WP buddies that long but I really looked forward to being at least online friends with you.

    It’s so sad about what has happened. Honestly, I wish you would still keep up the fight, but who am I to decide on that? But I will not lose hope that in some way, somehow, this will go away and you’ll be back blogging happily.

    Prayers for you….

    Liked by 2 people

  16. Kozo has a great point, and at the same time I am reminded of John Crichton as well. If they can make it, you can make it through all of this. I do not know if that will help or anything, but I hope it does. I will miss you while you are away, but it is temporary, and honestly I am still hoping for that “Hail Mary pass” that football metaphor that I know I butchered.
    Either way, somehow injust know later karma will aid you when you least expect it and I will refrain from feeding negativity for what I feel would be justice for the other in the equation. Hang in there Rara during the meantime. Thoughts and good vibes also for Dave and the kitties. I hope whatever negative has to happen it is short and you will be back sooner than you think.
    Best wishes on the flip side of the wormhole.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Walking in someone else’s shoes is the hardest thing in life. I won’t pretend I can. What I find incredibly uplifting, though, is to witness the genuine concern of the bloggers who have read you for years or only for months. Our brave new world is often blamed for being shallow. The blogosphere is certainly filled with kind and caring people. I don’t know what will happen to you and can only imagine your thoughts about Dave being alone. But you don’t go away, leaving emptiness behind you. We will miss your blog posts, so unique and creative, and remember how they challenged us.
    Also, since life is full of turns and twists, don’t give up on hope. There is still a chance that things get better. Keep your head up.

    Liked by 3 people

  18. Rara, since I first read about you going away and the why of it, my heart has been in turmoil. I want to rage at the world. But that’s not your way. So I’m going to calm my heart and mind, and I’m sending you all my RawrLOVE. Be strong my dear. Let your light shine as you always do. My love and prayers are with you, Dave and the kitties. I pray you will be home again soon. Hugs, Margie

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Hey girl I knew something was up a few months ago when we were talking about not being at work soon. Wish you would have said something. Sorry things went the way they did. I always cook way to much food and Dave can come get some anytime. And I will look into some food banks for the cats the hospitals usually have programs to help feed animals. I will post to Dave soon but first I will give him time to his self. Good luck.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. If you do go I hope it may help to keep in mind that life puts us in difficult circumstances but there is always a reason and usually it is to positively impact someone else. Maybe there is someone there who truly needs to experience what it is to know Rara.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. I took a break from blogging because I lost a member of my family, and I’ve just got back on line to discover that one of my favourite blogging pals is going to disappear of the screen… Nooooooo, Rara :-( Don’t like, won’t like. I know that your legendary roar will never disappear, Dino Girl – and if someone is responsible for this, I hope that a T-Rex sized Karma-dino will bite them so hard on the butt that they will be singing soprano for the rest of their lives. I’ll be waiting for you when you come back – because I really, truly believe that Rara’s roar is here to stay. Big, squishy, salty MM hugs full of love to you. xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  22. If I know anything about you at all it’s that you will come out the other side of this empty and cleansed. It is a difficult, and probably at times dark path you are being called to follow, but I have no doubt in your strength to it see it through. And Dave’s too in his own quiet way. Life lives itself through you, as you, and will bring you home because that’s what it does. Dave will find a strength that will surprise you both.
    I love you both. Take heart. All is well even if it doesn’t feel like it. This too shall pass.This too.
    ((((((((((hugs raraanddave)))))))))
    Alison

    Liked by 1 person

  23. I hoped, Rara, that I would never have to read this – which is why I didn’t contact you when I read the previous shocking one. I’d no idea any of this had happened, having arrived at your site relatively late – and am so so sorry to hear of the utter stress and torment you have all been going through. I cannot imagine WordPress without you. Sending love and big hugs, Rara: I think a lot of people will keep you in their hearts through the next few months, and will look forward to your return.
    Much love, Ali xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Wow, well I am one of the relative newbies and it’s true, I don’t really understand what has just happened. But one thing I get from the positivity you have showered over the ‘sphere is that, if anyone can get through this, you can. Channel your powers, Rarasaur. We will be thinking of you. xo

    Liked by 1 person

  25. I’ve never had such mixed feelings before about clicking the ‘like’ button on a post. I like the post itself, but despise the reason that it was posted. I don’t believe this is goodbye, dear Rara, but juts “see you in a while.”

    Liked by 1 person

  26. My deepest thoughts and prayers are with you in this dark time. God will be with you and will deliver you from the evil one. Stay strong and hurry back to us! God bless you ,Dave and the cats!

    Like

  27. Oh Rara, I really didn’t want to see this post and I’m terribly upset by it. You are such a strong person and I hope this experience doesn’t break you but makes you even stronger and more loveable. Sending hugs and positive thoughts.

    Like

  28. Rara we are all rawring. I hope for your strength, Dave’s strength, to grow and empower your heart. Though the place you are in may be dark, the light of your own love shined on so many freely ….is returning to you tenfold.

    Like

  29. Oh Rara, I have been consumed with my issues and tiredness that I hadn’t kept up with what you are going through. Whatever I am experiencing is so damn trivial to what you and Dave are experiencing. My thoughts, my love and my hope is sent to you. You will return, just as beautiful, just as strong, I know you will. Be tough darling, have faith that this will end soon for you. Hugs and love from Australia xxx

    Like

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